Against All Odds

Best to do this in list form- still a bit too numb for sentences at this stage. First up- the team:

Marshall- strange keeper- has few enough real howlers, but always looks a wee bit uncomfortable, and simply does not make enough saves. Anything close to his body seems to go in. Looked at fault to some degree for the last two goals, even though he should never have been exposed. Made a couple of decent saves, but he should do that anyway. (3)

Camara- I'm reluctant to even get started on this impostor- zero concentration, zero composure, close to zero chance of rescuing anything from a Celtic career that didn't even get started. (Zero)

Balde- was caught out very badly for at least three of the goals- looks, like a lot of Celtic players at the minute, completely lost. One or two completed tackles, and at least he looked a wee bit upset for once. (1)

Varga- showed hardly any presence, made a couple of saving tackles, but for many of the goals wasn't even in the television picture as the ball hit the back of the net. (2)

Telfer- was actually doing ok until the world collapsed in the middle of the second half. Looked energetic and nearly scored at one point. Still can't be absolved of all blame in a 5-0 defeat. (3)

Lennon- worst game of his Celtic career- we knew he was slow, but normally his brain keeps in the right place- totally bypassed tonight when he was really needed. Real disappointment. (1)

Sutton- major turning point when he went off- it's only speculation, but surely it wouldn't have gone so, so wrong with him on the park. (Excused)

McGeady- too young, too inexperienced to have been brought on for a player like Sutton in a game like this (see below for discussion of tactics)- still, on a more positive note, made sure he'll get a few quid from his certain appearance in 'Football Bloopers' videos from now until the end of time, for that unmissable miss. And looked like man whose confidence has been truly shattered after it. (2)

Petrov- another major, major disappointment tonight. Despite playing most of the game in the middle, he neither got nor demanded the ball, and consequently, for a player who is supposedly one of the finest in Europe (and obviously he hasn't become a bad player in six weeks), he must take a lot of the blame for what happened on the park. (1)

Thompson- unfit, static, even poor delivery from corners. He has taken a lot of money from Celtic in the past year or so and has contributed next to nothing. Still, shouldn't have been taken off when he was. (1)

Zurawski- made some decent runs, should have got more of the ball, did hardly anything, but at least tried a wee bit to get involved. (4)

Hartson- another infuriating and anonymous performance from a player who, everyone can see, is not fit, is selfish, cannot be bothered, and who spreads lethargy throughout the team. Should never have played the whole game. (0)

Maloney- decent performance- looked interested, took responsibility, missed a great chance, then made that chance for McGeady. The only player who, based on tonight's performance, would, if we'd had his equivalent in every position, have helped avoid the major humiliation and capitulation that occurred. (6)

Aliadiere- again, not a disastrous performance- made a few things happen when he came on- didn't sustain his involvement. (4)

The Manager- has to take the blame. Some of the reasons are listed below:
He started with the wrong keeper, and has as a result possibly damaged irreparably Marshall's confidence. Surely he was the only person with any interest in Celtic (apart from Marshall himself, and maybe Marshall's dad) who thought that was the right decision?
He didn't seem to know what to expect from a decent Eastern European side, obviously didn't do his preparation properly for the game.
He didn't coach his team properly- none of the players seemed to know what they were doing or supposed to do.
He chased the game after it went to 2-0, which would still have left Celtic overwhelming favourites for the second leg. He threw on (young, inexperienced) attacker after (young, inexperienced) attacker, when even the most naive fan would have tried to board things up.
He looked paralysed with shock during the second half meltdown, and stared, stony-faced, as Celtic collapsed into an embarrassing and embarrassed mess in front of his eyes. I would urge him, if he wants to salvage anything of his reputation, to at least pretend to be doing something, pretend to be berating and encouraging his players, even if he is sick to the stomach and hurting so much he can hardly move.

Even having said all of that, given a decent hammering of Motherwell on Saturday, I'll be dreaming of three quick goals on Tuesday evening, and then, you never know, anything can happen...